I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
