dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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