K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
