dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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