I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
