She went from zero to smokin in five shots
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
