I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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