Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
