Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize