if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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