My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
