First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
