I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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