filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
