you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
