I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
