Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
