Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
