Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
