I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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