Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
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