not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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