I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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