Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
