How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
