I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Come back. Shots need mouths.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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