Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
