so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
