I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize