how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Randomize
