brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
God, I missed his penis.
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