sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
