Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
