cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
