I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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