I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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