When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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