I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
