So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
