Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
