I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
