After last night, I could never be a politician.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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