rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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