Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
