SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
