My nipple is on Facebook.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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