So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
