Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Randomize
