Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
