I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
