he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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