Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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