The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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