i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
