I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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