shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
