youre lurking in front of me
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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