someone get that fucking seahorse.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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