its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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