So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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