there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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