I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
