Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize