Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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