I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
